"oh wow. that totally sucks" or HA!

she frowns and sucks air
in through her clenched teeth: 'hhhhhhh!'
but her eyes can't lie.

i've come out holding
a purse dripping in toilet
water. schadenfreude.

poached

just took the hottest
bath in water's history.
and now i'm sweaty.

sciatic express

misery is the
second after you hard-step
off a six-inch curb.

an inspiration.

did your jet hair stick
to those glossy, ruby lips?
rest in peace, bettie.

day dream #1

i stood behind the
irish people on the lift
today. they smell good.

like wet wool and a
mustiness that i can't place.
their voices are thick

and rich and liquid.
bare feet in wet muddy grass,
someplace far away.

Veni, Vedi, Vici

just finished a
sleeve of girl scout cookies to
'take one for the team'.

the premier

Mrs deWitt
spies on her neighbors when she
waters her flowers,

small yellow pansies
in a box just outside
her kitchen window.

an acquired taste.

if you hate sharing
treats, just buy salt licorice.
no one will want it.

dream #23

the end comes at once.
jesus, mary, and satan
levitate before

a petrified crowd. they
are made of wax and transform
as they float about.

the Son uses a
thin blade to remove mary's feet.
terror erupts. i

close my eyes but still
see a footless mary writhe
and slither above.

worlds within worlds

worlds within worlds, a star is born, or EGGs for breakfast

cream creeps through coffee
in swarms, storms, and sea nettles.
little nebulae.

post meridian.

tequila bounces
down like pinball. ba-ding-ding!
ba-ding-ding! WINNER!

anniversary.

and five years later
we quiver on this knife's edge
as the wind bellows.

the end of the road.

the end of the road, or Sarah's Post.

1
technology scares
me. i prefer pencil and
paper, sticks and sand.

2
i get jealous when
david snuggles the cats. i
worry, "they hate me".

3
i wish my breasts were
smaller. teeny pinches with
invisible nips.

4
my favorite word
is scorch. "conifer" used to
occupy this post.

5
i'm sick of spending
sundays with my chin plastered
to the toilet seat.

6
mathematics blows
up my skirt. the number six
is pure perfection.

7
i relish, nay crave,
nay savor, nay bask in the
attention of men.

caustic

the acid reflux
post martini bathed sweet breads
makes for searing dreams

dream #22

super models crisp
up in an elevator
turned deep fry basket.

there are lots of things
scarier than math. like space,
piranhas, and guns.

dream #21

a senile woman
massages rotten meat in
her sixties kitchen.

natasha.

natasha.

baby girl, pass the
currant wine. for we are two
drunk kindred spirits.

dream #20

sex with a frenchman
in my parents' basement. rag
rugs, wood paneling.

shh.

let's not talk. here's
my brain in a jar: listen
with a stethoscope.

punish me.

punish me.

chocolate is a
privilege to be earned.
hi. i'm catholic.

oof.

mr potato
head's lipless grin chides me while
i procrastinate.

stereographic projection

stereographic projection

our head rolls along
the fun house mirror.
features shrink and grow,

accordion from
infinity to nothing,
clefts become chasms.

7:19pm

7:19pm

head and tail lamps pass,
careening over your back.
you are perfect, bridge.

i peel my eyes wide
to make an open shutter.
arteries and veins.

there!

there!, or Penis Envy: I Have It

were i a man, i'd
have a giant dick that would
fork off into four

smaller penises.
also notches and faces
like a totem pole.

numb

numb, or the child

then your face wrinkled
and your eyes grew watery red
like split tomatoes

fractals

fractals, or Martinis with Mandelbrot

booze lubricates thoughts.
subatomic tea parties.
worlds within my cells.

dream #19

dream #19, or Diana, You Are on my Mind

in my dreams you ate
light bulbs and spoke of shitting
synapsing neurons.

dream #18

dream #18, or The Infinity Pool

"so which rich man do
i have to fuck to swim in
this thing? " he smiles: "me."

we fold like paper
cranes under the cold, crushing
weight of the water.

fetish

fetish, Girl With Long Toe Nails on the F

your nails, clear as quartz,
beckon; for saints have toes that
pilgrims lips do touch.

Chrome

Chrome, or Rear Entry

two chairs bask in the
sepia glow of street lamps
because they're garbage.

bivalves

bivalves, or Late Night Phone Call

laura urgently
informs me that they now make
clamato + beer.

moving

moving, or We're Keeping The Pez Dispensers Dammit!

if you want to keep
every paper back we've
ever come across--

fine. but don't talk to
me about getting rid of
bookcases, okay?

dream #17

dream #17, or An Evening with Pamela

at a county fair
Victoria Principal
look-alikes stand round

the blueberry pie
booth batting their doe eyes
and speaking in tongues.

you-tica

you-tica, or This One's for Little Laura (part deux)

you drool on my sheets.
you drink my booze. you steal my
tampax. i miss you.

cardboard

cardboard, or When Life Gives You Lemons

i feel like such a
failure when i can't rip a
match stick from its book.

dream #16

dream #16, or Snacking on the Job

cheez doodle stains trace
the walls of a cheap no-tell
motel's entry way

because a fat cop
was too lazy to wash up
after a drug bust.

cowgirl

cowgirl, or A Discouraging Word

you've been out on the
range long enough. bring your
horsey back to town.

lettuce

lettuce, or A Day Late

don't wilt on me now.
things were so good between us!
i'm sorry, baby.

them #2

them #2, or The Real Story

or maybe i just
feel like a complete failure:
an empty breadbox.

them

them, or A Call to Arms

seeing these people
with their dull, sausage-link arm
children makes me fume.

we'll take over the
world whilst they busy themselves
with blocks and nappies.

dream #15

dream #15, or The Slaughter

decapitation
a la caravaggio when
a pub brawl goes south.

supplies

supplies, or Just Another Visit to the Pagan Mega-Store

"yeah, i'll take forty
locks of hair, nine cauldrons, ten
sacrificial goats,

six thousand feathers,
and five brooms. do you guys have
free delivery?"

dream #14

dream #14, or Windfall

a greeting card that
contains 3000$
in twenties arrives.

dream #13

dream #13, or The Uncanny Valley

i rock a robot
babe, implanted with a
piece of my brother's

brain, as my grandma's
ghost looks on. my sister puts
a parcel at my

feet, and the child says,
"sue the bastards! man, i can't
wait to catch some rays!"

odysseus

odysseus, or What Evil Lurks in the Hearts of Men?

the shadow slides in
under the door; we dine, drink,
converse, and then we

sleep, content. rosey-
fingered dawn breaks, and my
visitor is gone.

dream #12

dream #12, or The Celebrity

i slam my fist on
a revolving door's window
and tell Mr. Pitt

"she isn't laughing
because it's not funny!" then
slink off, ill with guilt.

dream #11

dream #11, or Time to Settle Down

i recover from
a grueling birth, and opt
to can cling peaches.

today

today, or You Can't Operate in a Vacuum.

how'd i find myself
with you: this woman i can't
live without. (she eats

her ice cream like a
retard with a donut.) hey
shut up and come here.

waiting

waiting, or A Plan or Canal

a man, a pizza,
a train, a career, a date,
a cab: PANAMA.

groups

groups, or Collectives of Flying Things

a fever of rays,
a richness of martens, and
a murder of crows;

a charm of finches,
a smuck of jellyfish, and
a filth of starlings.

observation

observation, or To the Beautiful Blond

to the beautiful
blond on the R: how did your
feet get so filthy?

dream #10

dream #10, or Late Cretaceous Mongolia

soon after learning
that velociraptors have
brutally killed

my brother, i take
to keeping bees in my late
grandmother's backyard.

dream #9

dream #9, or The Actor

h ford and i live
together in a sweeping
downtown brooklyn loft;

life's picture perfect,
except that he refuses
to have intercourse.

dream #8

dream #8, or Two Scoops of Raisins

i'm teaching fractions
in a classroom constructed
of bulk cereal bins.

an ex boyfriend in
lederhosen lurks outside
behind the froot loops.

thermodynamics

thermodynamics, or How A.C.s work

lets throw rocks at the
window units! they shit out
all that god damn heat.

A.M.

A.M., or Mommie Dearest

our building's filled
with babies, and each morning
they cry like sissies.

legal tender #2

legal tender #2, or It's All About the Jeffersons

spent a two dollar
bill today on pez. asks the
clerk: "is this legal?"

flip-flops

flip-flops, or Don't Worry, Your Dad's Still Proud!

"this job's different
than the one i would've had
working at Bear Stearns"

legumes

legumes, or Buried Treasure

a squirrel planted
a peanut in my basil.
i found it this morn.

blueberry

blueberry, or This One's for Little Laura

when i was young my
sister had a stuffed mouse
called blueberry

he was grey and felt
like he was filled with rice
rather than stuffing

dream #7

dream #7 , or legal tender

a wallet full of
thirty-three dollar bills and
donuts for breakfast

o!

o! or Tears of a Mouse

'made me miss my mouse'
possibly the best phrase that's
ever been typed.

dream #6

dream #6, or 'it's like riding a bike!'

i'm caught up in a
high speed chase on an icy
freeway, when my car

becomes a uni-
cycle. i escape via
ladder to the sky.

wonderful

wonderful, or "It's Ebbed and Flowed"

"duder, has your birth-
day gotten any better since
you've hung out with me?"

(there's so much that i
do not say, cause the right words
just don't come my way.)

ra ra RITTER!

ra ra RITTER! or Good News for Sarah

the Ritter 'joghurt'
package now boasts a "new and
improved flavour!"

but if tasting is
believing, then i'm still too
scared to believe.

may sweeps

may sweeps, or Reoccurring Themes

last night's dream: i
rescue two kittens from a
spin cycle, miss a

college class, and end
up in another steaming-
hot love triangle.

mr. mister

mr. mister, or Sleeping Diagonally in Bed

he's gone again, so
the only one moaning for
dinner is the cat.

trapdoor

trapdoor, or Escape Hatch

let me be your trap-
door. you'll emerge from the
sadness into us.

8$

8$, or Cranky At The Key Foods

today's impulse buys:
a panda bar, one beer,
and spanish saffron.

spy

spy, or Me & My Broken Leg

across the alley
a lady in bell bottoms
just dropped her blinds.

wandering

wandering, or Fun and Affordable

last night's dream: i walk
alone along the highway
until i find a

strip mall. i stop in
the Fashion Bug. my mom's there.
Janet is playing.

i shop for terry
cloth shorts, then Mom takes me home
for homemade peach pie.

bernays

bernays, or The Taste Is Gonna Move Ya!

wasted. fancy free.
dozens of friends. enormous
breasts. a speed boat. and

endless amounts of
chewing gum. my vision of
adulthood at five.

super!

super! or à la Rushmore

last night's dream: a friend
and i bust into a hos-
pital room with a

super of bees. our
grand escape involves turfing
the parking lot's lawn.

joy

joy, or No Joy?

outside a child shrieks
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
over and over.

insight

insight, or zion ii

the mysterious
seaside town at dusk was none
other than Blacksburg.

zion

zion, or Youthful Yearning

last night's dream: comic
book villains chase us through the
mountains, then across

a precarious
rope bridge. an adopted boy
we call Zion morphs

into my pre-teen
brother. we dine on the docks
at an open-air

clam shack, in spite of
my shellfish allergy. the sun
sets on the water.

hymenoptera

hymenoptera, or "Married Wing"

first things first: wasps are
carnivorous, while bees eat
protein-rich pollen.

the brood cluster has
broken up, and the workers
ready for summer;

they pack pollen in
their hollow legs, and suck the
nectar. then they dance.

tex-mex

tex-mex, or Face the Dragon

pretty much, if i'm
not sweating while eating, the
burrito's no good.

exercise?

exercise? or Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, for Tomorrow We May Diet.

joined a gym and
celebrated by downing
a sleeve of saltines,

a monstrous amount
of falafel, cola and malt
balls. fitness... HOORAY!

(today's long title
comes from a magnet that my
mom had on the fridge.)

cards

cards, or Greetings from a Strange Land

wrap-arounds, no wilds,
cards under ten all worth five.
rummy with mom: nuts.

trit trot

trit trot, or What 5$ Can Buy These Days

ponies gallop through
my skull in the wee hours.
dull headaches galore.

karate

karate, or 45$ Down the Drain

might not sound like much,
fifteen pounds. two human heads,
three bags of sugar,

an infant. you try
hauling this lug home from a
futile vet visit.

affirmations

affirmations, or Conversations with Freud at the Met

johns' iterative
studies in gray -- numbers, flags,
letters, and bull's eyes --

help soften the sting of
my own artistic fancies:
lampreys and gherkins.

**
(now to enjoy a
gin martini, dry, and a
couple cornichons!)

mousy!

mousy! or Miss Susie Had a Steamboat

here we are ten years
later -- drunk -- still laughing at
the same vulgar jokes.

cauliflower

cauliflower, or Translation: NO.

"don't we have REAL food?"
like the big bowl of pickled
veggies doesn't count!

this and that, or Margaritas with Danielle

seven sacraments, or # 5, 6 optional

baptism, first euchar-
ist, reconcile, confirm, wed,
holy orders, death.



fire me, or Give Me a Raise!

drunk and clutching a
bag of smut, i wave at my
students, "STUDY UP!"

the priestess

the priestess, or Knowing How to Pray to the Mantis

her incantations
electrify, and she
cuts you when you fuck.

fever

fever, or Me and Duder Down by the Schoolyard

last night's dream: we are
two almonds traversing the
japanese country-

side. we befriend a
soybean and happen upon
baby rabbits. bliss.

blind

blind, or Last Night's Shenanigans

i've sworn off tasting
menus with wine pairings for
the rest of my days.

homonyms?

homonyms, or The Wonders of Mink Oil

"my boots look great now."
his slow reply: "yes... they do."
"i said boots, not BOOBS."

debut

debut, or Theme for Last Week

could not stop humming
the song from Bowser's Gun Ship.
BOOHF! go the cannons.